Hello everyone,
It’s Friday, it’s nearly the weekend, yippee. This weekend my very close friend Jane is having a first birthday party for Finnley, her little one. And as I am the go-to party planner round this way I’m helping out with making things look fab for them. As this guy is one cool dude, we’re not going strictly baby-style, instead we’re having a retro diner feel to the proceedings but I don’t want to give too much away to those attending so I’ll share some snaps next week of how it all turns out.
During the preparations I’ve been looking back on the past year or so and reflecting on how life has changed for Jane and for me too, since this little bundle of joy entered all our lives.
It’s crazy to think that a whole year has gone by since he was born, and I distinctly remember that excited phonecall when she announced she was pregnant, the first of my close friends to have a baby, and not being a particularly maternal kind I was happy for her of course but really did not think too much more about it. I did have the usual panic-stricken thoughts of feeling like things were about to change drastically, no more girls holidays to Ibiza, no more random nights out, no more drowning in cocktails, but honestly we had grown up enough to know these things weren’t important anymore. Plus we were getting too old for hard partying anyways.
Coupled with the sinking feeling I was about to lose my friend to one of those who “only-talk-about-babies-and-lose-all-sense-of-reality”. But I could not have been more wrong. Jane is the most amazing Mum and was from day dot, she has not changed one little bit and for that I ♥ her so much. Her life on the other hand has changed dramatically and is now a whirlwind of military organisation, it’s funny and heartwarming to see, and also so very impressive.
I also didn’t think that this little man would touch my heart so much, since the day I saw his tiny little hands and feet in the hospital, I have loved him so very, very much. I cannot tell you just how much joy I get from seeing his smiling face, hearing him chuckle when he is tickled and watching him grow, learn and develop.
What has surprised me more than anything is how much this one year old little boy has taught me, yeah a grown 30-something woman, how does that happen?. Where previously I was a little bit scared of babies, you know the kind who holds them out at arms length for fear they may break, well he taught me ‘what to do’. He jumped all over me, wiped his sticky hands all over my face and clothes, even cried the house down on occasion while I was holding him. But by doing all this, and usually with a cheeky smile on his face that would melt even the hardest of hearts, he taught me not to be afraid and instead to savour the precious moments.
He and Jane have even made me, dare I say it, feel like I could do this too! It’s a strange feeling when you first start to think about having babies, for me I never had that automatic maternal instinct and I certainly never mapped my life out as career, marriage, babies.
But now I have a yearning, it’s so hard to describe, it feels like this is the natural progression for my life and I have found myself wondering what kind of mum I would be, what my own children would be like, and really, really wanting to take this leap. Of course there is always that thing in the back of your mind that the timings not right, this was a big issue between me and my partner, the fear of not being financially secure enough, of us not being responsible enough, the fact I’m starting my own business and he was in limbo in his own career.
So I find myself in a really weird headspace and would love some advice, please do tell me about your experiences, is there ever a right time to have a baby? How do you know? How have you dealt with the pressure or the yearning? Do you have a partner who is thinking differently to you and how have you come through it together?
One day I may be lucky enough to have my own, for now I’m so proud to be called Auntie Michelle to baby Finnley and can’t wait for his party on Sunday.
Whatever you are doing I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Michelle xx
Image Credits: Allinonedaystime.com and f*@#yeacutewishes Tumblr
